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| Time: | 9:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. | | Music: | Pandora. |
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My friends suck asswipes.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 5:37 pm. |
| Mood: | aggravated. | | Music: | Pandora. |
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I have always felt torn between California and Minnesota. I have friends here. My family is there. That's the way it has been.
I guess my mom's management has told her that they need to get our cat declawed or we have to leave. My thirteen year old cat who has lived in that apartment her entire life. Yeah, they want her declawed. :( Super. Plus if you have birds, you can't ever let them out of thier cage now too. And my mom is supposed to sign some paper agreeing to all this. Well, that's not cool with her so she's saying she is going to move somewhere else. To be honest, they have been saying that for a while so I don't know if it will actually happen or not. But if it does, they want me to go move with them since I'll have to leave the place I'm at now anyway.
I don't know what to do.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, March 26th, 2009
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| Time: | 11:15 pm. |
| Mood: |  Effing Angry. | | Music: | An Cafe. |
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Oh, I love when I speak my opinion on something and my voice is ignored so hardcore, it's as if I had never spoken at all. Especially when the topic is video games.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:58 am. |
| Mood: | angry. | | Music: | Pandora. |
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Life is funny. Inparticular the funny part about life I have been thinking about lately is perspective. On people. How your view of somebody changes over time.
Luda ~ When I first met Luda is was to play D&D and WoD with Jon an I. Jon's BFF, Kyle, knew Adam and Adam knew Nick, Devin, Brianna and Luda: everyone that formed our D&D/WoD group for the next few months. At first I only saw Luda when we were playing those two games but as we started playing them less, I saw him most of the rare times I went with Jon to hang out at Kyle's. During my first few months of knowing Luda, I found out he was engaged. I thought wow. This guys is four years younger than me, but he is getting married. And he seemed so happy when you asked him about the engagement too. I was really happy for him. I never met his finacee, Caitlin. She went to school in New York, but at the time I thought she was a really lucky girl. Luda was kind, caring, funny...he knew what he wanted in life and was working hard to achieve that. Not just for him either. For his future family too.
How I view Caitlin now is different too. No one that talks about her ever says anything nice about her. They all say mean things. And when I hear stories of how she treated Luda, I get so angry. I don't really think she's lucky anymore. I think she WAS lucky to have Luda in general but especially to have Luda want to marry her. To want to be with her forever. She threw it away and she didn't even really have a reason. Not one that she provided. She doesn't even want to see him when she comes back home to visit.
Anyway, my big point when I started writing was that I thought Caitlin was a lucky girl to have Luda. Now I am the lucky girl to have Luda. I am so grateful for him. He makes me smile everyday and I really need the smiles. I don't have much else.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
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| Time: | 9:20 pm. |
| Mood: |  bored. | | Music: | Pandora. |
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Senior Year Share
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!
1. Did you date someone from your school? Yes.
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No.
3. Did you car pool to school? To school? No.
4. What kind of car did you have? The invisible and intangible kind.
5. What kind of car do you have now? I only half a '91 Cavalier! XD
6. It's Friday night...where were you? Football game or competition
7. It is Friday night now...where are you? Ums, probably chilling with peeps at someone's house.
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? In my senior year? Target. -.-
9. What kind of job do you do now? I work at Caribou and Gamestop..
10. Were you a party animal? Not really.
11. Were you considered a flirt? I would never....
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Color Guard, ftw!
13. Were you a nerd? Yup.
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? I got ICE once.
15. Can you sing the fight song? The what now?
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? Dr. Chevront: The only reason I took Anatomy and Physiology.
17. Where did you sit during lunch? Dr. Chevront's class.
18. What was your school's full name? Villa Park High
19. When did you graduate? 2003
20. What was your school mascot? Spartan
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Probably not.
22. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? If by next you mean first, maybe.
23. Do you still talk to people from school? Sometimes.
24. Did you ever do anything that could have caused you to get into trouble? That would be bad... so yes.
25. What was your favorite song? I had no one favorite song during high school.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 21st, 2009
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| Time: | 2:39 am. |
| Mood: |  confused. | | Music: | Pandora. |
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Ahhh! So Luda's car broke down and together we scrounged up enough money to buy another. It's a ninety one Cavalier. Red. No the other day it was super cold out at night and when we went to start the car, it made this high metal scratching sound when it wasn't in drive. Well, it was super late so we drove home and decided to look udner the hood in the morning. Next day comes along and when we start the car, it's fine. So cool, right?
Then last night we get in to go home and it makes the weird metal scratching sound. Also, just like the night before, the stereo and heat are not working. So we get half way home before we have to stop for gas. We get gas and Luda puts a quart of oil in the car. We start her up. No noise. Yes heat. Yes stereo.
O.o?
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
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| Time: | 7:02 pm. |
| Mood: | aggravated. | | Music: | Paramore. |
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I'm not really sure what to say. Life is up. Life is down. Luda's car is broken. Busted. Sold it to a junkyard. We were borrowing someone's else spare car but then he blew the transmission on the one he uses and so he needs the one we were using back tomorrow night. :( Neither of us have any money to buy a car. So I'm not sure what we are going to do about that.
One thing that does make me happy is our little conversation on the way to his dad's: I had been thinking about the car situation. I turned to him and he asked me, "What?"
I shrugged and looked back out to the road. "We need a car."
Luda was silent for a moment and then said, "It's nice to hear you say that."
At this point I am confused. It's nice to need a car? "What?"
He looked at me briefly and smiled. "To hear you say 'We'."
I know that many people, especially boys would not notice such a subtle hint at how I feel about our relatiionship.
I love Luda.
I am also working on appealing to the UofM to take me despite my poor GPA because of the semester I failed when my mom's colon burst open. Wish me luck.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
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Jon broke up with me on Dec 23rd. I pretty much already knew it was going to happen, so it was no surprise or anything. We had been fighting about so many things like him being gone all the time. I guess when it comes down to it, Jon and I are a lot more different than we thought or at least used to be and that we want different things. In a way, I guess it's like how Matt and I broke up. That seems so long ago now.
As it happened to be, on the 23rd, I texted a friend of both Jon and myself: Luda. That is short for his last name, Ludescher. MIchael Alan Ludescher. Jon and I met Luda through Kyle who went to high school with Luda and Luda's friends. Kyle invited Luda and Luda's best boy buddy, Nick, to play D&D with us back in August or so. So we played D&D and lot and a bit of WoD together. Anyway, Luda's high school sweetheart and fiancee, Caitlin, broke up with him a few days before Thanksgiving. She said she still loves him but isn't in love with him anymore. I am almost sure she feel for someone back in New York, where she is going to school now. She doesn't even talk to Luda anymore.
So I had texted Luda to give him my sympathy for the breakup. I remember Matt and I breaking up... I was devastated for a long time and Luda... I knew he must have been hurting a lot on the inside but in the time I had spent with him at Kyle's and whatnot he didn't seem sad at all so I knew he was just putting on a show so his friends wouldn't worry about him. That night Luda and I ended up going to Perkins. Instead of a big group like it usually was, it was just the two of us. We just sat and ate and talked for hours and hours. About five, I think. I told him about Jon breaking up with me and how he gave me the same reason Caitlin. We talked a lot of Jon and I and some about him and Caitlin. Mostly we just talked about ourselves but in that special take turns revealing yourself kind of way where you are excited to learn about someone else.
Luda invited me to spending Christmas with him and his family. He said his family wouldn't probably poke and prod at us and assume that we were going out but that didn't really bother me. If I werein thier position I would assume that too.
When I got home that night around three in the morning, Jon was unhappy. I don't normally spend time one on one with boys when I am in a relationship. But that night I wasn't and I hated being in that house. It was a very sweet sort of free feeling to be out of it with Luda. Anyway, I also didn't feel bad since Jonw as always spending two to five hours at a time talking with Brianna at Perkin or Walmart or her house or whatever. I kind of wanted to just tell him to screw off. I didn't.
On Christmas Eve I saw Luda again. I didn't have to work that day but I was kind of sick. Luda picked me up sometime in the evening. Everything was closed so we just drove around for hours. After a while of just driving and talking more, we went to Pat and Devin's. Neither of them were home since Devin was in NY with his family and Pat was with his family too. We played chess and checkers. I lost at both but I put up a much better fight at checkers. It was so much fun.
Here comes some irony for you and just one way where Luda and I are so much alike: Christmas Day. I woke up and went out into the living room. Mouse and Casey were there with thier kids and everyone was about ready to open gifts. I sat next to Jon, not because I wanted to, but because he had called me cold and standoffish the previous night. I could tell Linda, Mouse, and Casey were happy that I was around. They all really care for me. Jon, unfortunetly did things like fluff my shoulder like a pillow and layed on it that made me really uncomfortable. I wanted to shove him off. I didn't. After presents and relaxing for a small bit, the family all left to go to Linda's parents house. Shortly after they left, Luda picked me up.
Luda had spent his Christmas morning with Caitlin's family. Her mom, Raleen.... she truely loves Luda like a son. It's easy to see that when you meet her. Anyhow, Caitlin didn't sit next to Luda and she hardly said anything to him at all. Apparently when she did, she was mean about it. When Luda came to pick me up we talked about how our Christmas' were so far and we went to pick up his dad (who looks NOTHING like Luda). The three of us went to Luda's grandparents house. It was this tiny but super adorable house and that toasty warm so I really liked it.
After everyone had gotten there, there were about twenty five people there that I met. Almost all of them were super friendly but I had a feeling that Luda was answering a lot of are you two going out questions when I wasn't around him. But like I said, I didn't care if they thought that or not. I learned how to play two new card games but I didn't like the second one much. I don't even remeber what it was. Luda was saying how I should play and I kept refusing. So he offered me a deal: Play the card game, or sit in his lap while he plays. He did not expect to to choose to sit in his lap. ^_^ So I did and I held the cards and he tried to further teach me how to play for a few hours. He rubbed my back and I guess we kind of flirted back and forth by doing small things like stroking each other's hands.
After cards we sat on the couch together to watch the rest of The Dark Knight (it had started while we were still playing). I sat very close to Luda, with my legs crossed and my knee sort of on top of his leg. Not too long after we were settled into the couch and watching, Luda asked me if he could put his arm around me. I thought it was so cute that he asked. Ah, he is such a sweet boy. So I said it was fine and we cuddled and watched the movie. By the end we were holding hands and pretty snuggled against each other. He is so comfortable.
After the movie, everyone packed up and left. I didn't want to go home. I guess I was kind of sneaky but I knew that Luda wanted the end result too. See, he (like me) was used to sleeping next to somebody. He had been having a lot of trouble sleeping by himself. I always have trouble sleeping by myself. I wanted to sleep next to him that night and I was pretty sure Luda wanted to as well. So since when he invited me to go to his grandparents house, he said we would watch movies, and we had only watched one so far, I reminded him that he owed me. So we went back to Pat and Devin's, settled down on the couch there and watched The Boondock Saints. It was a good movie. Luda stroked my cheek for part of it and when I looked upa t him, he asked if he could kiss me. So we kissed a bit (omg, good kisser). He asked where I wanted to sleep and I told him that I wanted to sleep there with him if it was okay. He also asked me out that day.
I know a lot of people would think it was wrong of me to say yes. That Luda was rebounding on me or that I was rebounding on him or both. Or that it's good to be single and I need time to get over Jon. I don't agree with any of it. Luda is an amazing person and Jon and I had been over far before the 23rd.
So Luda and I are going out now. He is so sweet and caring and is always thinking of me. I love him so much. But when I hear about the way that Caitlin treated him, I get mad and want to yell at her. :(
Anyway, Luda... so amazing! We like almost all the same things. So much in common. Our likes, dislikes, the way we were brought up. He even like the stupid things that I like and no one else does like Jarjar. I'm so attached to him already, it's pretty ridiculous. I hope I never loose him.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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| Time: | 6:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  sad. | | Music: | Whatever Sarah is playing. |
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I feel lonely all the time.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 8:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. |
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Update:
My phone is stolen.
My DS is broken.
My bank account is hacked.
Avanti has not given me work in a month and is not likely to do so in the future either.
Avanti has decided to no longer let me use my mom's car anymore.
Anime Expo was great.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 9:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  chipper. | | Music: | Jon playing Ninja Gaiden. |
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Dear LJ,
I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time.
Also, I'm level seventy.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 28th, 2007
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| Time: | 9:00 pm. |
| Music: | An Cafe ~Odoru MERUHEN tokei. |
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Today I killed my first Horde player. ^_^
Horde: 0
Me: 1
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, September 15th, 2007
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| Time: | 4:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | Pennywise - Fuck Authority. |
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Okay so today's highlight is one of the best reactions to my hair I've ever had the pleasure of receiving. I was at the Ren Faire today and one guys asked me, "Just how many Smurfs did you have to murder to get your hair that purple?"
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:13 am. |
| Mood: |  crushed. |
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For the love of all that is good in this world do NOT see Dragon War! I REALLY REALLY MEAN IT!
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, September 13th, 2007
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| Time: | 12:59 pm. |
| Mood: |  groggy. | | Music: | An Cafe ~Odoru MERUHEN tokei. |
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I feel a lot better today than I have in a long time. School has started for me and I've been unusually super stressed about all my school work. Normally I'm excited and anticipating another year of learning but this time I feel like I might not be able to handle all of the work. Part of it is because of the classes I've chosen. I have a lot of writing and reading to do.
Yesterday I wrote a private entry about how I've been feeling lately and after that kind of release, I feel more relaxed and able to handle things like work and school.
School has been tough because I've been trying to find a happy medium between it, work, and friends and family. I think I've found something that will work.
Things are going well with Jon and that makes me happy. I really like him a lot.
I guess after yesterday I don't have much to say that I didn't say then. Sorry for the boring post.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, August 30th, 2007
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| Time: | 12:15 pm. |
| Mood: | amused. | | Music: | The Black Mages. |
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W00t! They totally replaced my keyboard! Now I have a nice new shiny one that feels wonderful under my fingers. And all the letter are still on the keys!
It, much like gum can be in the middle of a black out, PERFECTION!
More later.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, August 10th, 2007
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| Time: | 2:47 pm. |
| Mood: | amused. | | Music: | An Cafe ~Odoru MERUHEN tokei. |
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I hail from PERVERT, USA!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, July 26th, 2007
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| Time: | 7:55 am. |
| Mood: |  loved. | | Music: | An Cafe ~ Odoru MERUHEN tokei. |
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I loves my mommy. I really really does.
And she really really loves me back.l
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:25 pm. |
| Music: | Take a guess.... |
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And I will flail under these lights that seep down from the bitter sky tonight
and I will kick and beat my wrists together
and feel an ocean breathing waves, feel them licking at my face.
Ceilings don't exist and there are no floors beneath me.
If I were king of this night, would you become my queen?
And I hope, your majesty that you like your position.
I'll do everything I can to keep you by my side
and I'll stare off through the darkness to find us a kingdom.
Just kiss me before I go.
I'll have to walk a thousand miles just to find the ground deserving of your feet.
You could throw me down and walk on me
and I'd just look on through my love and through the haze.
And I hope, your majesty that you like your position.
I'll do everything I can to keep you by my side
and I'll stare off through the darkness to find us a kingdom.
Just kiss me before I go.
The nightingales are singing now.
They're calling out our marriage to our subjects on their knees.
Their jewelery is thrown into the air.
They sigh at their release as their shackles hit the ground.
The trumpets call out now.
We're home at last.
And I hope, your majesty that you like your position.
I'll do everything I can to keep you by my side
and I'll stare off through the darkness to find us a kingdom.
Just kiss me before I go.
Sei wa ii desu yo
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  hyper. | | Music: | The City Drive - Bring Me Everything. |
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THE CITY DRIVE ROCKS SO HARDCORE I LOVE IT!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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cheerful.