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25 November 2011 @ 08:21 pm
Almost done with the semester.  I can not even wait.  After the semester is over, I was to try something really fun and/or hard with my hair.  I want to do half purple and half blue but I'm having a hard time deciding how to do it.  I could do purple down to my chin and then blue, or I could draw a line from the outer end of where my eye brow end to the base of my neck on the opposite side and split the colors that way.

In more serious new, Luda and I are quickly running out of money.  Just like last year, we are kind of scrapping together to buy Christmas gifts.  Meantime our friends keep asking up to go out and we really can't afford it.  I'll have to make a big payment on my credit card when my financial aid comes in in January which I'm none too happy about.  And Luda is still paying off my gorgeous ring on top of all our normal expenses.
05 July 2011 @ 12:13 am
Plan:  To write in my journal.  Moar.  Right now we are house sitting for our friends, Nick and Amanda.  Adam's girlfriend, Lori, has parents near Austin that have a farm so everyone else went down there to grill, drink, shoot guns and watch fireworks.  I'm not really down with the drinking and the shooting plus it was an hour and a half drive each way with no AC and large groups freak me out.  So it was pretty much and no go for me and Luda being the sweetheart that he is stayed behind with me.  Nick and Amanda needed someone to watch their cat though so it kind of worked out anyway.  Tomorrow everyone gets back and Wednesday we start house/cat sitting for someone else for almost two weeks.  XD

Luda and I have been watching Bleach.  The first time I watched it I only saw the first four or so episodes and though it was so-so.  This time we watched more and I've been really getting into it.  I didn't really like the Bount arc though.  It seemed a little off and turns out to be filler while the manga was getting more material out there.  Now we have just finished the first Arrancar section.  Rangiku and the others just finished saving that little boy and girl which I also think was way too drawn out.  But other than that I don't have any solid complaints.  Only questions.  I don't quite understand what the death of a soul is.  Do they get forced into being reborn in the World of the Living?

We got three pounds of cream cheese from work so I have to start making some yummy deserts.  I have two in mind and a third for Luda's birthday on the 31st.  I hope they are delicious.
Current Mood: awakeawake
24 May 2009 @ 09:16 pm
My friends suck asswipes.
Current Location: Pat and Devin's
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Pandora
02 May 2009 @ 05:37 pm
I have always felt torn between California and Minnesota.  I have friends here.  My family is there.  That's the way it has been.  

I guess my mom's management has told her that they need to get our cat declawed or we have to leave.  My thirteen year old cat who has lived in that apartment her entire life.  Yeah, they want her declawed.  :( Super.  Plus if you have birds, you can't ever let them out of thier cage now too.  And my mom is supposed to sign some paper agreeing to all this.  Well, that's not cool with her so she's saying she is going to move somewhere else.  To be honest, they have been saying that for a while so I don't know if it will actually happen or not.  But if it does, they want me to go move with them since I'll have to leave the place I'm at now anyway.

I don't know what to do.
Current Location: Caribou
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Pandora
26 March 2009 @ 11:15 pm
Oh, I love when I speak my opinion on something and my voice is ignored so hardcore, it's as if I had never spoken at all.  Especially when the topic is video games.
Current Location: Pat and Devin's
Current Mood: angryEffing Angry
Current Music: An Cafe
09 March 2009 @ 11:58 am
Life is funny.  Inparticular the funny part about life I have been thinking about lately is perspective.  On people.  How your view of somebody changes over time.

Luda ~  When I first met Luda is was to play D&D and WoD with Jon an I.  Jon's BFF, Kyle, knew Adam and Adam knew Nick, Devin, Brianna and Luda: everyone that formed our D&D/WoD group for the next few months.  At first I only saw Luda when we were playing those two games but as we started playing them less, I saw him most of the rare times I went with Jon to hang out at Kyle's.  During my first few months of knowing Luda, I found out he was engaged.  I thought wow.  This guys is four years younger than me, but he is getting married.  And he seemed so happy when you asked him about the engagement too.  I was really happy for him.  I never met his finacee, Caitlin.  She went to school in New York, but at the time I thought she was a really lucky girl.  Luda was kind, caring, funny...he knew what he wanted in life and was working hard to achieve that.  Not just for him either.  For his future family too.

How I view Caitlin now is different too.  No one that talks about her ever says anything nice about her.  They all say mean things.  And when I hear stories of how she treated Luda, I get so angry.  I don't really think she's lucky anymore.  I think she WAS lucky to have Luda in general but especially to have Luda want to marry her.  To want to be with her forever.  She threw it away and she didn't even really have a reason.  Not one that she provided.  She doesn't even want to see him when she comes back home to visit.  
Anyway, my big point when I started writing was that I thought Caitlin was a lucky girl to have Luda.  Now I am the lucky girl to have Luda.  I am so grateful for him.  He makes me smile everyday and I really need the smiles.  I don't have much else.
Current Location: Luda's Dad's
Current Mood: angryangry
Current Music: Pandora
24 February 2009 @ 09:20 pm
Senior Year Share

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!

1. Did you date someone from your school?  Yes.

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No.

3. Did you car pool to school? To school?  No.

4. What kind of car did you have? The invisible and intangible kind.

5. What kind of car do you have now? I only half a '91 Cavalier!  XD

6. It's Friday night...where were you? Football game or competition

7. It is Friday night now...where are you? Ums, probably chilling with peeps at someone's house.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? In my senior year? Target.  -.-

9. What kind of job do you do now? I work at Caribou and Gamestop..

10. Were you a party animal? Not really.

11. Were you considered a flirt? I would never....

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Color Guard, ftw!

13. Were you a nerd? Yup.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled? I got ICE once.

15. Can you sing the fight song? The what now?

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? Dr. Chevront:  The only reason I took Anatomy and Physiology.

17. Where did you sit during lunch? Dr. Chevront's class.

18. What was your school's full name? Villa Park High

19. When did you graduate? 2003

20. What was your school mascot? Spartan

21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Probably not.

22. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? If by next you mean first, maybe.

23. Do you still talk to people from school? Sometimes.

24. Did you ever do anything that could have caused you to get into trouble? That would be bad... so yes.

25. What was your favorite song? I had no one favorite song during high school.
Current Location: Nick's
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Pandora
21 February 2009 @ 02:39 am
Ahhh!  So Luda's car broke down and together we scrounged up enough money to buy another.  It's a ninety one Cavalier.  Red.  No the other day it was super cold out at night and when we went to start the car, it made this high metal scratching sound when it wasn't in drive.  Well, it was super late so we drove home and decided to look udner the hood in the morning.  Next day comes along and when we start the car, it's fine.  So cool, right? 

Then last night we get in to go home and it makes the weird metal scratching sound.  Also, just like the night before, the stereo and heat are not working.  So we get half way home before we have to stop for gas.  We get gas and Luda puts a quart of oil in the car.  We start her up.  No noise.  Yes heat.  Yes stereo.

Current Location: Pat and Devin's
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Pandora
04 February 2009 @ 07:02 pm
I'm not really sure what to say.  Life is up.  Life is down.  Luda's car is broken.  Busted.  Sold it to a junkyard.  We were borrowing someone's else spare car but then he blew the transmission on the one he uses and so he needs the one we were using back tomorrow night.  :(  Neither of us have any money to buy a car.  So I'm not sure what we are going to do about that.

One thing that does make me happy is our little conversation on the way to his dad's:  I had been thinking about the car situation.  I turned to him and he asked me, "What?"

I shrugged and looked back out to the road.  "We need a car."

Luda was silent for a moment and then said, "It's nice to hear you say that."

At this point I am confused.  It's nice to need a car?  "What?"

He looked at me briefly and smiled.  "To hear you say 'We'."

I know that many people, especially boys would not notice such a subtle hint at how I feel about our relatiionship.

I love Luda.

I am also working on appealing to the UofM to take me despite my poor GPA because of the semester I failed when my mom's colon burst open.  Wish me luck.
Current Location: Caribou
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Paramore
13 January 2009 @ 11:56 am
Jon broke up with me on Dec 23rd.  I pretty much already knew it was going to happen, so it was no surprise or anything.  We had been fighting about so many things like him being gone all the time.  I guess when it comes down to it, Jon and I are a lot more different than we thought or at least used to be and that we want different things.  In a way, I guess it's like how Matt and I broke up.  That seems so long ago now.

As it happened to be, on the 23rd, I texted a friend of both Jon and myself: Luda.  That is short for his last name, Ludescher.  MIchael Alan Ludescher.  Jon and I met Luda through Kyle who went to high school with Luda and Luda's friends.  Kyle invited Luda and Luda's best boy buddy, Nick, to play D&D with us back in August or so.  So we played D&D and lot and a bit of WoD together.  Anyway, Luda's high school sweetheart and fiancee, Caitlin,  broke up with him a few days before Thanksgiving.  She said she still loves him but isn't in love with him anymore.  I am almost sure she feel for someone back in New York, where she is going to school now.  She doesn't even talk to Luda anymore.

So I had texted Luda to give him my sympathy for the breakup.  I remember Matt and I breaking up... I was devastated for a long time and Luda... I knew he must have been hurting a lot on the inside but in the time I had spent with him at Kyle's and whatnot he didn't seem sad at all so I knew he was just putting on a show so his friends wouldn't worry about him.  That night Luda and I ended up going to Perkins.  Instead of a big group like it usually was, it was just the two of us.  We just sat and ate and talked for hours and hours.  About five, I think.  I told him about Jon breaking up with me and how he gave me the same reason Caitlin.  We talked a lot of Jon and I and some about him and Caitlin.  Mostly we just talked about ourselves but in that special take turns revealing yourself kind of way where you are excited to learn about someone else.

Luda invited me to spending Christmas with him and his family.  He said his family wouldn't probably poke and prod at us and assume that we were going out but that didn't really bother me.  If I werein thier position I would assume that too.  

When I got home that night around three in the morning, Jon was unhappy.  I don't normally spend time one on one with boys when I am in a relationship.  But that night I wasn't and I hated being in that house.  It was a very sweet sort of free feeling to be out of it with Luda.  Anyway, I also didn't feel bad since Jonw as always spending two to five hours at a time talking with Brianna at Perkin or Walmart or her house or whatever.  I kind of wanted to just tell him to screw off.  I didn't.

On Christmas Eve I saw Luda again.  I didn't have to work that day but I was kind of sick.  Luda picked me up sometime in the evening.  Everything was closed so we just drove around for hours.  After a while of just driving and talking more, we went to Pat and Devin's.  Neither of them were home since Devin was in NY with his family and Pat was with his family too.  We played chess and checkers.  I lost at both but I put up a much better fight at checkers.  It was so much fun.

Here comes some irony for you and just one way where Luda and I are so much alike:  Christmas Day.  I woke up and went out into the living room.  Mouse and Casey were there with thier kids and everyone was about ready to open gifts.  I sat next to Jon, not because I wanted to, but because he had called me cold and standoffish the previous night.  I could tell Linda, Mouse, and Casey were happy that I was around.  They all really care for me.  Jon, unfortunetly did things like fluff my shoulder like a pillow and layed on it that made me really uncomfortable.  I wanted to shove him off.  I didn't.  After presents and relaxing for a small bit, the family all left to go to Linda's parents house.  Shortly after they left, Luda picked me up.

Luda had spent his Christmas morning with Caitlin's family.  Her mom, Raleen.... she truely loves Luda like a son.  It's easy to see that when you meet her.  Anyhow, Caitlin didn't sit next to Luda and she hardly said anything to him at all.  Apparently when she did, she was mean about it.  When Luda came to pick me up we talked about how our Christmas' were so far and we went to pick up his dad (who looks NOTHING like Luda).  The three of us went to Luda's grandparents house.  It was this tiny but super adorable house and that toasty warm so I really liked it.

After everyone had gotten there, there were about twenty five people there that I met.  Almost all of them were super friendly but I had a feeling that Luda was answering a lot of are you two going out questions when I wasn't around him.  But like I said, I didn't care if they thought that or not.  I learned how to play two new card games but I didn't like the second one much.  I don't even remeber what it was.  Luda was saying how I should play and I kept refusing.  So he offered me a deal:  Play the card game, or sit in his lap while he plays.  He did not expect to to choose to sit in his lap.  ^_^  So I did and I held the cards and he tried to further teach me how to play for a few hours.  He rubbed my back and I guess we kind of flirted back and forth by doing small things like stroking each other's hands.

After cards we sat on the couch together to watch the rest of The Dark Knight (it had started while we were still playing).  I sat very close to Luda, with my legs crossed and my knee sort of on top of his leg.  Not too long after we were settled into the couch and watching, Luda asked me if he could put his arm around me.  I thought it was so cute that he asked.  Ah, he is such a sweet boy.  So I said it was fine and we cuddled and watched the movie.  By the end we were holding hands and pretty snuggled against each other.  He is so comfortable.

After the movie, everyone packed up and left.  I didn't want to go home.  I guess I was kind of sneaky but I knew that Luda wanted the end result too.  See, he (like me) was used to sleeping next to somebody.  He had been having a lot of trouble sleeping by himself.  I always have trouble sleeping by myself.  I wanted to sleep next to him that night and I was pretty sure Luda wanted to as well.  So since when he invited me to go to his grandparents house, he said we would watch movies, and we had only watched one so far, I reminded him that he owed me.  So we went back to Pat and Devin's, settled down on the couch there and watched The Boondock Saints.  It was a good movie.  Luda stroked my cheek for part of it and when I looked upa t him, he asked if he could kiss me.  So we kissed a bit (omg, good kisser).  He asked where I wanted to sleep and I told him that I wanted to sleep there with him if it was okay.  He also asked me out that day.

I know a lot of people would think it was wrong of me to say yes.  That Luda was rebounding on me or that I was rebounding on him or both.  Or that it's good to be single and I need time to get over Jon.  I don't agree with any of it.  Luda is an amazing person and Jon and I had been over far before the 23rd.

So Luda and I are going out now.  He is so sweet and caring and is always thinking of me.  I love him so much.  But when I hear about the way that Caitlin treated him, I get mad and want to yell at her.  :(

Anyway, Luda... so amazing!  We like almost all the same things.  So much in common.  Our likes, dislikes, the way we were brought up.  He even like the stupid things that I like and no one else does like Jarjar.  I'm so attached to him already, it's pretty ridiculous.  I hope I never loose him.
Current Location: Pat and Devin's
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Pandora